The 21st century, a really bad joke.

I guess we just can’t decide on anything these days can we? Looking back from 1920-1990, each decade had it’s own thing. The 20s had flappers, bad dancing and talkies; the 30s had depression, hunger and dust in their bowls; the 40s had WWII, Pin-ups, and anti-asian sentiment; the 50s gave us the Nuclear age with the traditional house-wife, a 40 hour work-week, and commies; 60s had the best of everything (art, music, style, etc. etc.), and the list goes on. The 2000s? We started off with a modern looking people, then everyone decided on going 80s…then 70s, then 60s…and now we’re stuck with a ménage á trois of emo-hipster-thug-hippie-metalhead-punk-faux-fuck ups. I don’t like it, do you?

Where did the good go? Used to a man could light up a Lucky Strike with a glass of gin and watch the dolls down the street pull at his “richard,” women used to be so objectified and kept with their mouths closed (unless asked otherwise). No, but really we don’t have class anymore, and we certainly don’t have style or a good culture in the 21st century. Oh sure there’s still the old cultures lying around, but fuck that-I say we either recreate the 60s or the 40s. We need to bring back cool, and I’ve got the medicine.

First things first-bring back smoking. Smoking was always the leading cause of cool and now it’s reserved for “skanks,” and “big nasties,” and that my friends is shit. So, start buying Camels and Lucky Strikes, it won’t hurt you.

Secondly, music today sucks (for the most part and we’ve gone over this) but it doesn’t have to. Instead of that band you saw on Myspace, replace it with Tom Waits and substitute 50 Cent with Billie Holiday. You can do it, I have faith in you.

Clothing wise, I like modern clothes…for the most part. But here’s a few tips: Hipsters, take off your head-band, your Urban Outfitters ironic t-shirt and start going for a Mod look. There, now you look better. Ladies, just keep it classy.  Emo’s-go for something more Beatnik. Oh! And if I see you in an Ed Hardy T-shirt, I won’t even have to say anything-because everyone knows you’re a tool.

Lingo-start speaking English and take a cue from Quentin Tarantino or Frank Sinatra.

Gentlemen I have only one thing to say, get smooth. Smoking is awesome, scotch is good, and stop worrying about what that hipster skank wants you to be like. Remember-A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.