I recently lost my grandmother. She was eighty-nine years old, a survivor, a loving woman who never judged and always gave. But what I witnessed during the turmoil was so much worse than her death or losing her; it was watching her children bicker, fight, assault and hate one another over her belongings. Worse, still, was that she wasn’t even dead or cold when they began.
I’m only human, never perfect and as much as I know I’m a judgmental prick I know the difference between human greed and human filth. So allow me to apologize for the rant, everyone. I hate writing personal things because though I am very much an open and personable guy – I don’t want to flash my family issues in front of everyone.
My grandmother didn’t die from the pancreatitis. She died from a broken heart because her filthy children wouldn’t stop trying to strangle one another for inheritance. I won’t even be able to attend the funeral because of their actions. Which, as much as I hate, is fine – I’ll pay my respects when the crows are fed. I watched my uncle and aunt get so upset over nothing that they had to be removed from the hospital. All I can think during this time is how little family means to me.
Is this what family means today? A feast for crows to gather ’round and wait? It’s despicable. Not worthy of blood lines or history. I haven’t told anyone yet but I have disavowed my family from myself. I refuse to call them family, and I never will again. I don’t know if I want family if this is the way they act. As horrible as it sounds, it’s a relief. Truthfully. Watching filthy fat fucks gather around and wait for you to die so that your entire legacy can be pilfered and raped? No. It’s something that I can’t stand, and I don’t think I want it.
I want a family one day, maybe, but currently family means among the least amount to me at the moment. I was asked if I have regrets and honestly, I do. Very few, however, and I’ll even share them with you – I regret not waiting for someone, I regret calling my mother’s family “family,” and I regret the few roads I chose not to take in life. But nevermind all that, yes?
Here’s what I have to say at the end of this;
Live your lives, everyone. Don’t react to others’ expectations and require yourself to fulfill them – they’re not your responsibility. Live for yourself and no one else until you’re sure you’re actually willing to deny yourself for something or someone else. Don’t let your family become what I’ve discussed. Don’t let yourself become a feast for crows.