This article is so saturated with gluten, you could mold glutes out of it.

Has anyone else seen McDonald’s new Happy Meal mascot? First off, the fact that a small, children’s menu has a mascot is baffling since those are usually reserved for schools and sports teams, but that a children’s menu has a mascot is insanity. Sincerely, Ronald, you don’t have to try to sell toys and McNuggets to the little leaguers, they already gobble that stuff up like white on non-gluten-free-rice that has been bleached.

But still, it’s also incredibly creepy looking. It doesn’t inspire ideas of apple pies, and greasy fries to me. It inspires horror and the stuff nightmares are made of. Eerie, anthropomorphic boxes with teeth and eye balls are awkward to say the least. Well, at least it has the Golden Arches we’re all so fond of.

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I guess they couldn’t use that money to pay their employees so they had to put it so some sort of a good use. Right? Right.

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