Bat Country

I remember the time I spoke in front of a church member about the obscurity of an inane God who’s all powerful and all knowing. I asked the “hard questions” and they responded with the vague and stupid answers you always get.

“It’s his way of testing our faith.”

“No-one knows his plan, not even the angels in Heaven.”

“You’re a rotten fucking goon, and I’m going to break your neck.” (This was my personal favorite, just so we’re clear)

I always begged the question of the existence of something we can’t smell, see, hear, eat, fuck, fight, or torment and this goes right down to the idea of a grand scheme plan of sorts, for the universe mind you, and that bearded Bubba sitting on a throne. I’d like to have an answer to the people when they ask me “What’s going to happen to YOU when YOU die, huh? Huh!?” Fucking pigs. “I don’t know-and neither do you.”

I’d like to think that when I go to hell, it’s going to be a lot like New Jersey, but hey-I’ve been wrong before. It could be worse, afterall, when I die I could be going to Mississippi. Let’s think for one second though about the idea of an absolute ruling force of the universe. How totalitarian is a religion that believes in the existence of a Supreme Being who’s never in check.

I’ve always had this idea, that when I die, I’ll just go to a waiting room. That’s torture, you know, those fucking nightmare excursions of sitting in the Hospital office waiting to hear the words “I’m sorry but-” yadda yadda yadda. The noise is always so deafening too, thinking about the way Granny smacks her toothless maw, the baby whines, and the nervous jackass who’s more of a hypochondriac than your average Andy Dick fan. I don’t know why I can’t believe in the existence of a single entity-I guess I was born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.

Just for the record, I’m not an atheist-I’m just a normal guy who can’t buy the normal bullshit responses Bible Bile Spewers regurgitate over-and-over again. I’d also like to state, for the record, that the American Bible Association is the second most hypocritical thing on the planet. Then again, so was Christendom. See, if I can recall correctly, the idea of a Christian Nationalist is hilarious because Jesus preached against the very same thing that Baptists cling to. The most blasphemous thing is putting “In God We Trust” on our money. Think on that one for just a minute.

Apologies for the rant, here’ a picture of Obama riding a corgi.


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