The enemy isn’t the Taliban, it’s Snooki.

I don’t think MTV’s Jersey Shore should be aired for a bevy of reasons, but the biggest is the fact there are actually crowds of today’s youth that actually worships this tripe. You’re already aware I’m not a fan of guidos, New Jersey and most especially MTV but when you combine all three I have to force the vomit back down my throat. With names like Snooki, Jaywoww(?) and the Situation I can only imagine that it’s probably exactly what I think it is: Awful.

I’ve never gone through the torture of watching the show but from reading, hearing and seeing it’s cast in tabloids (Yes, I look at tabloids to see pictures of Katy Perry. Shut up) I imagine a “reality” television show that is centered around a pack of big nasties from Jersey that are both spoiled and just plain rotten. Here’s a thought! Lets make the worst thing on the planet and then market it to today’s mid-teens and twentysomethings, we’ll make a killing! You know what I would I like to see? A show about apartheid in South Africa. I think it’d be hilarious.

No, but in all honestly I think it’s the height of stupidity to make a show about guidos that literally offers only moronic quotes and fake titted goons that don’t even know who Newton is (I’m assuming the Situation would say “Uh, he’s the cookie guy yo.” He is the same person who was spotted saying “I don’t want girls studying for finals, I want girls studying for dick” Oh, MTV)

Whatever happened to decent reality TV? Making shows about “survivors” was one thing, but to make me want to kill myself at the thought of some greased-up oompa loompas is just plain wrong. I want my MTV, you know with music videos from 1987 and Headbanger’s Ball not Jersey Fuck-Ups. Yet again, our youth is corrupted but instead of by candy and meth it’s by lobster people who have no place on television or in pop-culture.

Here’s some quotes from what your children are obsessing over-

The Situation-“I mean this situation is gonna be indescribable, you can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get into the situation.”

Snooki-“I don’t go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning.. because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.”

And the “hottie,” J-WOWW-“I left the club early because I didn’t want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I felt like eating ham and drinkin’ water. Ham.”

Thank you MTV for proving to me that you’re the worst thing to happen to impressionable youth since the Taliban. You greedy, ignorant fuckfaces.

 

"I don't know who Snooki is, and I don't give a fuck. Get her out of here."

 

(All quotes belong to MTV and it’s parent company “BIGFUCKINGAWFULPIECEOFSHIT CORP.” and is produced by “RAPINGYOURMINDS INC. There, is that enough credit to you, you dickless turds.)

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