There needs to be a rebellion. That’s right, I said it. There comes a time in history where people have to come together, stand up and rebel. In our elder’s eyes-it’s the Tea Party. I say nay! We need to have a colonial styled rebellion. I’m talking powdered wigs, pitchforks and old school beat downs using rocks and bottles of gin.Why? Because if the Tea Party can rebel so can we-but by God we’re going to do it classier and more Americany.
Thus we will also give our new Declaration of Independence 2.0, and our new Constitution called the Rules. But why rebel? Because it comes to the point where the people who are fed up with the absurdities of the 20% of the nation have to look around ourselves and get absurd as well. In fact, I say we get bizarre. If the Teabaggers show up in their REAL AMURERCUN shirts then we show up in petticoats. They’re balding? We show up in powdered wigs. They wear boots we where Pilgrim shoes. Buckles and all! They can’t speak English? Then we speak in Colonial. Lets remind them of the real America.
If we’re to create a new constitution then lets supplement the old laws with newly a rephrased Bill O’Rights’.
The First Rule: You have the right to no Religion. Why? Because Religion is hardly relevant anymore with the advent of technology, and lets be honest here-it gets a lot of people killed for no reason. You also have the right to assemble in parking lots and loiter where you please so long as you do not block the door way. Petitions are useless, you now have the right to create a Facebook Cause. You have the right to say, think and feel as you see fit and no one can hold it against you for your speech, thoughts and opinions. As far as the right to the Press well, you can just make a Facebook note or put something up on your blog-that’s cool, you’ve got that right.
The Second Rule: Should we find ourselves separated from the Tea Party Nation then we have the right to arm Bears as well as ourselves. Also, the local militia shall be trained in Bear calvary and we will mount machine guns on to the bear saddles. Also, we have the right to arm moose.
The Third Rule: Drinking age is 18. Weed is legal, and all drugs (sans the meth, acid and pcp) are decriminalized and should you be caught with such items you will be rehabilitated-not in prison.
Next up-the new Nation Anthem. Hulk Hogan’s themesong “Real American” shall suffice. Also, we will replace Uncle Sam with Hulk Hogan and our new motto will be “What are you gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you!?” Because with hair like a Chineseman and the skin of a hotdog, Hulk Hogan is a total badass and Uncle Sam is a little outdated.
Also, the First Lady will be required by law to wear a corset at all times-and she must also be between the ages of 21-32 and must have been a Victoria’s Secret model.
Ah, I’m liking the sound of the fruits of our rebellion already.