You guys remember that huge banner that arrogantly read, “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.” See, back in 2003 I was under the impression that it meant our troops were coming home. Oh Bush administration. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice-Uhm…Shame on you. Here we are, seven years later, and apparently the war is just now ending. Today President Obama gave the second half of the MISHUN UHCOMPLUSHT speech that Rummy wrote back in ’03, obviously Bush missed the second half by about 7 years. But you know, I don’t blame Jr. for his mistakes, because really they weren’t his.
Thing is, after all of these years of hating Dubya, I’ve learned so much about his non-involvement in his own presidency that it leads me to believe that he was just put out in public when they needed him. Otherwise, Jr. was given pb&j sammies and put in front of Power Rangers reruns (believing they were actual World War II footage of the Japanese fighters, he was really quite hooked). No no, the true Axis of Evil was never Iraq, Iran and North Korea (although the latter two are really evil) it was Rumsfeld, Rice and Darth Cheney.
I’m not going to go into the whole Haliburtonland take over of the Middle East [you all know the arguments there, and they’re boring by now] but I will say that Dick Cheney is probably the most evil man in history. Condoleezza Rice is probably the biggest buttplug ever and Rummie can go suck himself off. Little lying prick.
Anyhoo, on August 31 our boys are coming home. Iraq will no longer have a constant bullet brigade and the Taliban will think they won (this is where it gets REALLY good) which is hilarious! Because the moment they think we’ve left, they’ll come stormin’ norman in and bam! There’s some nice white phosphorous bombs from our Israeli friends in their face. Thank the Jews, we’ve learned a lot about burning people alive in the past century.* So the war is over. Something to cheer about!
*Only we can make that joke, you sycophants.