Shitting Thunder: A look at Fox News

I’m taking a wild swing and guessing that you’ve already assumed that this is going to be another liberal slap at Fox News Co., and I’m not sure what would make you think that! I mean, yes I am a liberal but can’t I just depreciate something without it being biased? If I couldn’t then I wouldn’t be truly balanced and fair. It’s just a look at some facts that I pulled out of the most trust worthy places: Wikipedia and Google.

Fox News has a total of thirteen programs daily and they are all fully equipped with promising individuals who hold no political grudges or biases. These fine upstanding citizens include Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Gretchen Carlson, Bill O’Reilly and a few more that I just don’t simply want to keep up with.

Now I’d like to point out that out of the people I listed, the above names, none of which are formatted for news. All of which have the highest ratings but are not actually news programs, they are opinions-not news. Out of the thirteen programs available (daily) only 5 are actual news programs. Taking that with a huge lump of hope, I began to look at the holders of high ratings (Hannity, Beck, Carlson, O’Reilly, etc.).

Hannity claims to “represent” the real America (whatever that is, I have to assume that it’s the South). I’m not entirely sure how he can do that last part if he has spent the better half of his life squandering as a college drop-out, and  general contractor in California. He supports country music, pro-life rallies, hating homosexuals, and torture (ex.-Water boarding, it is fact that in 2009 he was challenged by MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, Hannity refuted this challenge and no more word has been said on the matter). Sorry Hannity fans, but you can’t trust a man who supports something so bad as water boarding yet won’t take just 1 second of it-hell, Rick Sanchez was tazed. Hannity is a fraud, and a gritless goon. Slander? I don’t think so, seeing as he’s a public figure and is open for interpretation and public opinion.

Glenn Beck, the stormin’ Mormon. Beck started his career as a personality at the ripe age of thirteen, and has been causing hissy fits ever since. Using incendiary rhetoric and inflammatory language against the left-wing, this conspiracy theorist is a hot bag of air. Being a blowhard for over 20 years, he’s had a lot of practice. According to Beck, “progressivism is the cancer that is eating America and it is eating our Constitution.” Let’s get one thing clear about the Constitution, it’s a framework, as in it is not complete. So to argue that it’s law is not abstract and that it is a complete work is a total crock of shit and plainly ignorant of our history. (The founding fathers were trying to last a week, they’d be amazed if they found it still being as hotly debated today as it was in their time). Beck uses his remarks, on his opinion-hour, to inspire dissent and hatred for liberals. That is a fact. To Glenn Beck, I challenge you to a debate over the course of the real America any day of the week. He also is suspected of rape, true story.

Bill O’Reilly-I’m not even going to touch you because Sen. Al Franken has done a good enough job of defaming you,  this is also why I will never touch on Ann Coulter except to say that she is a lying bitch-which she is.

Gretchen Carlson is a former Miss America, I’m proud of her for getting her own seat on television-hell, I’m proud of her for even being able to read the cue-cards that she spews out every morning.

As for the rest of Fox News Co., you shit thunder and that’s it. You make absolutely no contributions to News or journalism and I am deeply disappointed in you. Oh, and thanks for all of the gam shots-I know that’s how you keep your Billy Buck Front-Porch watchers everyday.

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4 thoughts on “Shitting Thunder: A look at Fox News

  1. gretchen is very intelligent even your boy-crush john stewart would agree with me. The only thing you’ve accomplished? make another dime a dozen liberal blog. Al Franken is just a dickhead. Has he done anything? Figured somebody who has no dignity to lose would at least try to do something for the people…

  2. I don’t think you understand the joke that this blog is, also l2sensofhumor, this is an opinion blog. No facts are ever listed here. It’s a joke that you obviously didn’t get.

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