M. Night Shyamalan has done it again! His amazing skills at absolutely amazing you via your eyes has hit theaters and it is one of the biggest pieces of shit to be slung at the screen this summer. Let me preface that I’ve never taken the time to watch the show, but that doesn’t deviate from the fact of how absolutely bad this movie is. Maybe I’ve been sipping on haterade, but this guy needs to be working at the local 7/11 (not a racist joke?) and not in the film industry. His greatest triumph was tricking you into believing that Bruce Willis was dead. Nice, maybe next he can convince me he can make a good film but I wouldn’t count on it.
Avatar opens up with a shittackular opening: It says Nickelodeon when the opening credits roll. Which could’ve redeemed it had it not be written by a man with a four-year-old’s speech patterns. The film progresses way to fast and is extremely dumbed down in story (from what my sources tell me). The dialogue is catered to 9 year olds and the acting is just blush and bad. A bevy of issues with this film, in fact, let’s just called it a boat-load.
They chose the wrong director, okay I know that I’ve said that already but I cannot stress that enough. While they 3-D animation was nifty, it was forced and unnecessary. The points of 3-D that were used seemed to just be shellacked onto it as if they forgot “Oh yeah! This shit’s supposed to be in 3-D…Fuck it,” that or they just needed another excuse to bump my ticket price up to $10. The acting was less than subpar, and Jackson Rathebone did not help his Twitard case by shaving the sides of his head and pretending to be an Inuit (it’s just as bad as him trying to convince everyone who’s not 12 that he’s a vampire-it ain’t workin’). Despite all of this, what really sucks is the fact that it had potential to be a great summer hit! Had they left out the self-hating Shyamalan, the silly dance routines, the awful plot holes, the crammed story and Howard Shore rip-off conductor (the music was a total rip off of Shore’s Lord of the Rings score) it might’ve been a hit. However, I’ve got to rate this as a complete swing-and-a’ miss. It blows, don’t go see it unless you’ve got a serious hatred for Bangladeshi people.
Big Box News giving it a sad, 2/10. Maybe they’ll think twice before using creeper-eyes to direct something.