Vikings are fucking awesome, you know it-I know it, hell even the Packers have learned that lesson by now. So, I just wanted to take some time out of my day to express my love for the Scandinavian brethren of the brüd. Plus, I wanted an excuse to use umlauts.
Vikings conquered everything first, Iceland, Greenland, Rhode Island, Mexico, the Moon, and Minnesota-even now they’re making their journey through the vastness of space one mile a year. They also had the best beer, best taste in clothing, women and the most badass pantheon and mythology in history. Not-to-mention, they even conquered our weekday names. (Thorsday, Wodensday, Tyrsday, Friggsday, etc. etc.).
Valhalla awaits!
Lets remember the Christian ending of time: Four horsemen ride around tearing up shit, a dragon comes out of the sea and a carpenter pushes a snarky bitch into a lake of fire. Whoopdydoo. Norse mythology? Fucking Ragnarök. Fire engulfs the Earth as a huge ass black wolf first eats the Sun, then the Moon, then the Chief God-Odin immediately followed by Oldin’s son breaking Fenrir’s head open by splitting it’s jaw.Thor hammers the shit out of a gigantic serpent hellbent on spitting fiery acid on everything. Oh. And at the end? Everything fucking dies by being ignited in flames and ice.Kill enough people in Nordic culture and you go to Valhalla (Heaven), don’t kill at least three preggo women by noon? You’re going to Hel, seriously. Let’s not forget that they gave us Viking Metal.
So, praise your local vikings, you pantywaists.
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